(Best to Worst)
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Over the quarantine, I wrote a script for Episode One of a series. Here's a PDF file If you'd like to read.
Here is some music I've been listening to during Quarantine. -Plants vs. Zombies OST
-Baba O'Riley by The Who-Shadow by the Chromatics -Christine by John Carpenter -The High Road by Broken Bells -Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead -Life on Mars by David Bowie -Jesus Etc. by Wilco -Lost in the Supermarket by The Clash -Digital Love by Daft Punk -Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in my Hand by Primitive Radio Gods -Pepper by the Butthole Surfers -Age of Consent by New Order -Burn the Witch by Radiohead -Anything by the Beatles -This Must Be the Place by Talking Heads -Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads The X-Files is one of the most iconic, and terrifying shows to ever hit the mainstream. From it's iconic theme song to the fascinating relationship between Mulder and Scully, it's an excellent show. So here I'll be reviewing a few of it's episodes of my choosing. Today we're looking at the 4th episode of the 1st season, "Conduit". Directed by Daniel Sackheim, a prolific TV director behind episodes of The Walking Dead, and written by consistent X-Files writers Howard Gordon and Alex Gansa, Conduit would end up being the third so-called "mythology" episode of the series. Half of the series episodes were based on an overarching storyline involving basic alien invasion stuff, while the other half were monster of the week episodes. These monster of the week episodes dealt with various monsters that change in every episode.
This episode was entertaining, but felt more like a chain of ideas and images than a coherent episode. The direction is strong here, the episode looks and is shot well. The score is excellent, as usual, but it's mostly in the fragmented writing that this episode falters. Gordon and Ganza seem to be intent on providing the episode with cool imagery and iconic moments rather than stringing them into a well-written episode. The episode concerns a mother whos teenage daughter went missing during a camping trip, most likely due to aliens. The mother's young son Kevin obsessively writes down binary code while watching static on the TV. Mulder and Scully go to a moody biker bar, always a setting I like, after getting a tip from the missing girl's friend. They eventually find the body of the girl's boyfriend in the woods, surrounded in a grave by white wolves. Going back to the mother's house, they find that the binary code forms the face of the missing girl. They find the mother and young child to be missing from the house, so they go into the woods and discover the mother has found the daughter. The son is nowhere to be found, and is approaching a glowing orange light, Close Encounters style. the light turns out to be a band of bikers in the woods. Overall, while the individual moments are great, such as the binary code-writing kid staring at TV static, or the bikers coming through the woods, the episodes plot does a poor job of stringing them together, leaving the viewer little idea of how they connect, if at all. I like the X-Files so far, but this is one episode I had sorely mixed feelings about. Stay tuned for more X-Files reviews soon. Original cast only. My choice of actors comes from the opening credits and their amount of appearances in the show. Season 3 doesn't count. Worst to best. Let's rock. SPOILERS AHEAD 17. James Marshall as James Hurley This man cannot act. He had one good moment during the pilot, but after that he just acted mopey and said stupid monologues about his bike. His performance of "Just You" was a camp highlight of the entire series, but his entire subplot with Evelyn was just truly miserable. Not even in a funny way. 16. Eric Da Re as Leo Johnson Leo was pretty heavily pushed as the prime suspect as Laura Palmer's killer. But overall, I found him to be pretty uninteresting. He was such a boring, one-dimensional character. Actor Eric Da Re was the casting director's son, which... yeah that makes sense. Da Re was only good at one emotion: anger. He never acted in any other emotion, at least until Season 2, where he was unconscious for the entire run. Pretty much an improvement, if you ask me. Even similarly boring characters like James and Josie had their moments. James was at least hilariously bad, and at least Josie was pretty to look at. Leo had bad hair and was just mediocre. 15. Joan Chen as Josie Packard This character was really a disappointment to me. I don't know if it was the actor or the way she was written, but the character never had a real pay-off to me. Hong Kong actress Chen looked the part of the mysterious seductress but ultimately the character did little for me. 14. Lara Flynn Boyle as Donna Hayward This character had her moments, but ultimately Lara Flynn's transformation of her character from the shy girl next door to "cool hot girl" was the character's downfall. Boyle had a huge ego and was probably insistent that her character get more screen time and become more cool and mysterious like Audrey. Early Season 1 Donna was the best, but after that she became tiresome and uninteresting. 13. Chris Mulkey as Hank Jennings I could essentially copy and paste what I said about Leo onto this part about Hank. The main difference is Chris Mulkey is a way better actor than Eric Da Re. Hank is mildly charming in the beginning, mostly due to Mulkey's performance, but he begins to lose focus as the character continued. He would have worked better if he was handled like one of the other ancillary villains like Jean Renault- a sinister presence who leaves the show once his purpose is done. Instead, his character arc was muddled with so many confusing developments that his whole purpose began to lose focus. 12. Wendy Robie as Nadine Hurley Nadine always struck me as a pretty one-note character. Even in the beginning, her sole character trait was her love of silent drapes. But the love triangle she was in was always semi-interesting, so I didn't dislike her. Then Season 2 happened. The writers thought it would be hi-larious if Nadine thought she was a 16 year old cheerleader and had super-strength. And on top of that, her character hit on a 16 year old boy. 11. Warren Frost as Dr. Hayward I always thought it was strange that Warren Frost (Co-creator Mark Frost's dad) was in the opening credits. He doesn't have much of a bearing on the plot and doesn't appear as much as the others. But nevertheless he's there, and Frost gives a good performance. Dr. Hayward actually feels like a real person, something which some of the other actors don't accomplish. 10. Piper Laurie as Catherine Martell Piper Laurie was a pretty well known actress at the time, perhaps the most well-known in the cast. Her character was almost comically villainous, sometimes seeming like she came from a more straight soap opera than the quirky world of Twin Peaks. But that's okay, because she's a delight to watch when on screen. 9. Madchen Amick as Shelly Johnson I don't have much to say about Shelly. She has her moments and makes some funny faces during her run on the show, but some of the show's less talented writers seemed to not understand how to make the character work. Her best moments are her scenes with Gordon Cole. Shelly had a better part in 2017's Season 3, and she still looked great too. 8. Everett McGill as Ed Hurley Another great character that was wasted in Season 2. He became less and less memorable as the series went on, going from the stoic but warm gas station owner to a guy who has one line per episode and only reacts to Nadine's inane subplot. 7. Kimmy Robertson as Lucy Moran, Harry Goaz as Andy Brennen It felt right to group these two together. They are both about the same quality in terms of performances. Lucy is the lovably ditzy secretary of the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department. Slowly turned into a one-note joke towards Season 2. What was so great about Lucy in the early days of the show was her mix of stupidity and cunning. She was capable of getting work done, and her fierce independence and love/hate relationship with Andy provided bits of comedy amongst the darkness. Her boyfriend Dick Tremaine was perhaps one of the worst characters in the show, and any scene featuring him also featured her, so that was definitely a downside to her character. Andy's main attribute was his ineptness as a police officer, which seems like a very boring character. But Andy is far from it. At least in S1 and the first half of S2. Both are funny but inconsistent characters. 6. Dana Ashbrook as Bobby Briggs I wasn't going to talk about Season 3, but I kind of have no choice. Bobby becomes a standout character in that season, but to be honest I've always appreciated Bobby. Ashbrook really tries with his acting, and he gives the character a strange, elevated quality that almost seems unreal. His strange, overly punkish demeanor is what's immediately noticeable about his character, but as Season 2 progresses he actually matures somewhat, something very few Season 2 characters do. 7. Richard Beymer as Ben Horne Ben Horne is yet another character who's enjoyability flatlined during the second half of Season 2. But his Season 1 and early Season 2 performances were good, but pretty flat in terms of his motivations. He was just a generally evil dude. His standout moment actually came in one of the series worst episodes, during a scene in which he watches early home video footage of himself and his brother as young children. He had fallen significantly from grace after being accused of killing Laura Palmer and this moment emphasizes this. 6. Michael Ontkean as Harry Truman Truman is a very underrated character. He's a necessary foil to Cooper, and without him I don't think the show would be the same. However, actor Michael Ontkean and the character's blank personality couldn't carry his subplots with Josie. 5. Peggy Lipton as Norma Jennings I always saw Norma as the heart of Twin Peaks. She was the owner of the Double R Diner, and had a love for everyone in the town. Her relationship with Shelly was also very sweet, and I'm glad it got carried into Season 3. Lipton was a great actor and made the character very believable. 4. Sherilyn Fenn as Audrey Horne Audrey Horne acted a Cooper's main love interest until the last third of Season 2, when 2 new characters played by Billy Zane and Heather Graham becme the new love interests of the respective characters. While Zane had the charisma of a wet brick and was way too boring for Audrey, Annie didn't bother me all that much. But when the finale of Season 2 came along, I knew Annie was a mistake. The impetus for Cooper going into the Lodge was the kidnapping of Annie. But I don't care if Annie lives or dies. Audrey, on the other hand, is a character that I care about. This came about because Lara Flynn Boyle demanded that Audrey and Cooper split because of his real-life relationship with MacLachlan. Anyway, back to Audrey. She's a great character. Her strange 50's aesthetic, alluring appearance and playful personality were all greatly portrayed by Fenn. But there was a dark side beneath her tight sweaters and bob haircut. She pushed her younger brother down the stairs at an early age, joined a brothel to help Agent Cooper, and manipulated her various employers. Audrey was certainly a fascinating character. It's just a shame that she got bogged down by Billy Zane's stupid voice and gross face. 3. Jack Nance as Pete Martell Pete Martell is a character unlike any other. He lights up any scene he's in, and Jack Nance elevated even the most boring of scenes with his facial expressions and strange speaking style. Of all the original series characters, he was the one i missed the most in Season 3. 2. Kyle MacLachlan as Dale Cooper The main character of the show. Dale is a great character, and is consistently funny and serious at the same time. Well, except for Season 2, but that's to be expected. Cooper was a perfect main character for this weird and wonderful show. So many main characters in other shows are boring and simply an audience stand-in, but not Cooper. He is truly unique. 1. Ray Wise as Leland Palmer
The moment Leland Palmer died was the moment the show lost itself. After his death, the show lost direction, turning into a parody of itself and introducing inane characters like Evelyn Marsh and Little Nicky. Leland was of course the killer of Laura Palmer, but the reason isn't all that simple after all. There are so many intricate layers to Leland's character, and his utter heartbreak over his daughter, combined with his incredibly sinister demeanor as the series progressed, made him one of the most complex characters to grace the TV screen. Wise also did an excellent job in the movie, but we're not counting that here, so it's irrelevant. Leland Palmer is a character that achieves something incredible: He's hilarious, sad, and menacing all at once. I recently got into collecting games, specifically older ones. I'm more of a movie guy, but I still enjoy the feeling of buying and playing these sometimes forgotten games. Here are some tips for keeping your hobby cheap but also finding games you actually want to play.
1. Get stuff you want to play Unless you are going for a complete collection, play games that you actively want to play and not something that looks good on a shelf. Just because it's expensive doesn't mean you should buy it. 2. Road Trips are your friend I have gotten some good deals while staying in small towns. There are a lot of retro game shops to be found around small-town areas. There are several stores called Game X-Change across Texas, where there are plenty of used games at really good prices. If you're ever on a road trip and pass through the towns of Abilene, Athens, Baytown, Burleson, Cleburne, College Station, Conroe, Copperas Grove, Corsicana (or any towns on this list http://www.gogamexchange.com/find-a-store/) be sure to stop by their stores. 3. Look beyond Many game stores have their bad games on the normal shelves, but to really find the rare or good games you have to look further. Often these games can be found in a glass case or inside the counter. Sometimes asking helps as well, inquire to the employees if they have any backlogged games. 4. Check the games label before purchase Bootlegs litter the retro gaming market. There are many ways to check to see if the copy of the game is legit, and tips like this can easily be found online. 5. Never buy the first copy you see Let's say you see a Playstation 2 at a retro game store for $43.00. Don't buy it just yet. Write down the store you found it at and ask if they have an extra. After this, if you're still hankering for a PS2, go to a Goodwill or Savers. They might have it for cheaper, but the risk here is that it might not be in great condition. Goodwills and other stores that don't specialize in retro games won't have as high of an upkeep rate. Cables might be missing or corroded. It's up to you to decide. Stephen Speilberg is arguably the most famous movie director ever. He’s directed some of the greatest, most iconic, and successful films ever. So where did he get his start? Why, with the 1971 TV movie Duel. All geniuses have to start somewhere, and Spielberg started with this low budget TV film, although it eventually got a theatrical release. This film, and Jaws, are perhaps Speilberg’s only 2 horror movies. And Duel is a far more stripped down movie than Jaws. There’s only one named character, and the villain is never seen. In this way, it reminds me of Halloween. A faceless, unkillable main killer stalking an innocent person, with the motivation and identity never revealed. The simplicity is astounding, with the only semblance of a plot being “a man gets followed and menaced by a gigantic gas tanker truck whose driver is never seen”. While this might sound like it could get repetitive, the editing and direction make it really engaging and suspenseful. The movie has a limited score and excellent stunt work, and there are even some Speilberg hallmarks here as well. His tendency to include absent father in his films (Close Encounters, Jaws, Jurassic Park, etc.) as well as naturalistic sound and locations crop up here as well. Some sequences here remind me of the road scenes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and obviously that’s a good thing. Throughout the movie, the main character’s masculinity is tested, with his last name even being Mann, and you could easily read this as an allegory for one’s “manhood” being destroyed. Acts of physical strength on Mann’s part are constantly failing, and his wife is constantly nagging him.
Duel is an excellent film, and it’s astounding that it was intended for TV. This is 1,000 times better than most of what clogged the airwaves at the time, and is also better than what clogs the airwaves now. 9/10 A small list of my favorite things to watch around Halloween time.
TV Freaks and Geeks- Tricks and Treats Over the Garden Wall Stranger Things Season 2 90s Goosebumps 90s Are You Afraid of the Dark Movies Halloween (1978) Halloween III- Season of the Witch Fright Night Creepshow Beetlejuice The Monster Squad Phantasm Universal Series- Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, etc. Music Ramones- Pet Semetary Goblin- Suspiria John Carpenter- Anthology John Harrison- Creepshow OST Siouxsie and the Banshees- Halloween Warren Zevon- Werewolves of London Any of the soundtracks for the movies and shows above ^^^^ Don't Fear the Reaper- Blue Oyster Cult Bernard Herrmann- Psycho Michael Jackson- Thriller Jerry Goldsmith- The Omen OST Video Games Splatterhouse Series (Turbografx-16, Sega Genesis) MediEvil (PS1) Canada seems like such a pleasant place. But that's all. Just pleasant. Nothing much happens there except for the occasional Johnny Test but really everyone's very nice. So it's no wonder all this geniality got to young David Cronenberg's head, and he ended up disrupting the movie scene up north with his disgusting and disturbing films. Among Canada's pleasant folks, Cronenberg stands alone for the amount of disgusting orifices, rotting flesh, and cold scientific language in his movies. The first movie by this guy that I saw was The Dead Zone, a Stephen King adaptation. It was pretty good, but was missing the disturbing body horror of his other movies. This came back in spades with The Fly, which I saw next. And considering how much I liked that one, I decided to watch Scanners, which many consider to be his masterpiece. Taking the term psychological thriller a little too literally, Scanners is about a group of people with incredible psychic abilities. Cameron Vale is our hero, and he's a Scanner who was found by Dr. Ruth (no, not that one), a scientist working for ConSec, a government company that wants to investigate Scanners. However, a rogue Scanner named Daryl Revok explodes some guys head and is now on the run from ConSec. It's up to Vale and some lady who he meets along the way to stop Revok. Now that's a great plot, and just by the concept it's intriguing. But in execution, Scanners falters. I really like the first half of this movie. It's tight, well made, and genuinely creepy at some points. But after Vale infiltrates the chemical factory, it all falls apart. The plot becomes motionless and we start to focus on Kim Oberst, a fellow Scanner who has no purpose in the story. While I understand the need to have a 2nd protagonist, she really does nothing at all. The 2nd half of the film also has pretty disappointing action, and the scene where Vale tries to hack into the computer with his mind is very hokey and breaks the reality of the film. The famous "Scanner Battle" between Vale and Revok is great, yes, but it's all build-up. The scene cuts before either of them explode! The twist at the very end of the film was interesting but could have been executed better. Bassically, Kim finds Revok in the room near Vale's dead body. Revok then speaks in Vale's voice and it's implied that Vale is OK and living in Revok's body. Then, roll credits. But I feel like there could have been something more. Perhaps Kim and Revok embrace and then Revok winks at the camera in a sinister manner. The other problem I have is Stephen Lack's performance as Vale. He is so incredibly boring and it's especially bad in the second half of the movie. Michael Ironside, playing the villain Revok, is far better and is excellent. Any scene with him present is excellent. Lack is more of a painter than an actor, so I guess it makes sense. Jennifer O'Neill is better than Lack but it is still pretty bland as the already boring Kim, and these LACKluster performances really drag the film down. The effects, however, are great and done by the always reliable Dick Smith, best known for doing makeup on The Exorcist, and it still looks great today. I just wished Vale's head had exploded at the end. Oh well. All the action scenes were excellent, but I feel like they should have been spaced out throughout the movie instead of all happening in the first half. I really enjoyed the sound design for this film. The music is all high pitched or low and burbling during the sequences where the Scanners make people weird with their brains, and I really liked how this was done. Overall, I find Scanners to be an interesting but flawed movie. An awesome first half, cool sound, and some great action and effects make it worth a watch, but disappointing second half, and some bland performances from the protagonists hold it back from greatness. 5.5 My impression of the poster of Scanners
3 Yep. I'm doing it. I used to love Sonic as a kid, especially the cartoons, but it's time to go back to the past and see if any of these shows hold up. This is from worst to best. 6. Sonic Underground Sonic has siblings, they are all voiced by Jaleel White, and they all sing. So this is what hell feel like. Only watched one episode and even as a stupid kid I hated it. This song from Episode 25 is literally the worst piece of music I've ever heard. 5. Sonic X This was awesome as a kid, but now it's just boring to my cynical eyes. Theme song is righteous, yes, and the character designs are pretty good, I guess, but with the whiny brat that is Chris Thorndyke and his racist Mexican maid, it really drags down the show. I would have loved a flashy anime Sonic cartoon in the style of the awesome Sonic OVA, but this one's animation is stilted and the characters are really lame. 4. Sonic Boom (2003-2006) Apparently this one's pretty funny and self aware. This was released at about the time I became disinterested in Sonic, and now that I went back and got into the games maybe I should give this a watch. But I probably won't, as it seems like it's a little too Teen Titans Go-esque for my tastes. But what I've seen it seems only occasionally funny with the rest being total fluff. 3. Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993-1995) I watched this one a lot as a kid, and it was definitely the most humor based of the 90s Sonic shows. I still own some of the DVDs, and watched a couple recently for a project, and it's only good for ironic value. Every episode ends with a "Sonic Sez" segment that was an attempt to teach kid's lessons. My favorite was when Sonic explains to kids what molesters are. I remember being so confused when Sonic explained what child predators were. At least it meant well, though. Jim Cummings as Robotnik was also excellent, and he definitely stole the show. 2. Sonic Mania Adventures (2018) Pretty recently Sega released Sonic Mania, a callback to older Sonic games. To pair with it they released these webshorts onto YouTube in the style of the opening to Sonic CD and Sonic OVA. They're pretty good, and while not super funny, the animation more than makes up for it. 1. Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic SatAM) (1993-1994) The holy grail of Sonic cartoons. Interesting characters, a dark atmosphere, and a KICKIN THEME SONG! This show, while not excellent, is really dark and takes itself really seriously. Sonic is pretty annoying, but again it's Robotnik who takes the cake as the star. Robotnik is just so incredibly creepy in this series, and his robots and city are foreboding and really freaked me out as a kid. Some of the plots were pretty creative, and I really liked how emotional it could sometimes get. Definitely the best, no contest. I have memories of getting the DVDs from Randalls on the weekend and watching them while eating granola. Some golden memories right there. This scene in particular still gives me goosebumps due to how sad it was for me at the time. Well, that's been my stupid list. None of these shows are exceptional or anything but I really like Sonic SatAM, and of course the games are still great
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AuthorI'm Spoon Goon. I like movies and video games and occasionally a good TV show. Archives
April 2020
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